Faces hide as much as they show.

Life is not easy, no matter what your circumstances. Whether you are born with the heights of riches or into the depths of poverty, life is difficult. For most of us we were born in the in-between, the void between crippling poverty and unimaginable riches, sadly this doesn’t make life any easier for us.

I am no different. I don’t have unimaginable riches but equally I am lucky enough not to be on the other end of the spectrum and for this I am thankful. But this doesn’t make life easy, especially when your own mind tries to destroy you.

Throughout my life I have gained and lost many things. I, like everyone else, have lost loved ones. I’ve gained friends, only to be betrayed by some. I have fallen in love and had my heart shattered. The one thing I have never managed to lose is the one thing that I would sacrifice so much to be rid of; my minds amazing ability to try destroy me, its insatiable need to fuel my depression.

No one point in my life could be considered the start of my battle with depression. But there are several points in my life that have almost marked the end of a battle that often seems unwinnable. I have fought against this affliction for so long that sometimes all I want to do is sleep. A few times I have even tried to be sure that once I slept, that would be it.  While I still have these thoughts occasionally, I am thankful that I was never successful in my attempts.

My depression has cost me many things in life. It has contributed to the decline in my health (both physical and emotional), it was a leading factor in the decline of my education and it has cost me mu social life to a large degree. I have lost many, many things because of this illness and gained very little in return.


One of the few things I have gained however is the realization that basing decisions on your emotions is rarely, if ever, a good idea. Without my depression I don’t know when, or even if, I would have learned this lesson. This is one of the few good things to have come from my illness and it is this lesson that is one of the main reasons I am who I am today. When I realized that I couldn’t trust my emotions I actively tried to disregard them when making decisions. This is something I have become quite effective at doing and it is because of this that I am who I am. I honestly believe that if I hadn’t suffered the way I do, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I wouldn’t be capable of making the decisions I do, or forming the rational thoughts and arguments I form.


I haven’t written this looking for sympathy or for pity. I haven’t written it as some kind of defense against those who dislike me or disagree with me. I have written this for one simple reason. I’ve written it because I believe those people who seems to genuinely care about me or who respect my opinions on certain things deserve to know why I am the way I am.




The bible and your beliefs.

    In the past few days I’ve been, lets say chatting, to quite a few Christians online. And as usual quite a big topic in these chats has been the bible and its validity,especially centered around the extraordinary claim that it is divinely inspired. This is a topic which I have always found quite interesting, mainly because of the wide array of opinions I have encountered on the topic. I’m going to try outline how I view this particular topic.


    The way I see it, assuming the judeo-christian god is real and he did interact with the writers of the bible, we have 2 options when considering it.

  1. The bible is wholly and completely the word of god.
  2. Parts of the bible are the word of god, whilst others are the product of man.


    Now to me both of these options are unacceptable and I’ll try to explain why as easily and concisely as possible. While doing this I’m using a generic definition of what god is, this being that god is an all knowing and all powerful being. I’m not interested in whether or not he is all loving or merciful etc. as many people claim.


    So lets start with the first option, “The bible is wholly and completely the word of god”. Now this option I find to be heavily flawed as it requires us to believe that this all knowing and all powerful god would not only decide that the best time to have direct interactions with us was during the iron age, when we had just barely begun to understand how to use iron let alone have any chance of understanding a god. It also requires us to believe that god could be wrong about certain things in the bible or that he could not prevent those he tasked with recording his word from being wrong. Both of these are hilariously flawed as for either to be true it would make it impossible for god to be all knowing/all powerful.


    Option 2, “Parts of the bible are the word of god, whilst others are the product of man”, I feel only needs one point to be considered. If only parts of it are gods word,and other parts are purely the product of man, how can you know which parts are which? How can you know for sure that what you believe (that homosexuality is unnatural for example) is one of the divinely inspired parts and not just the opinion of an iron age, goat herder?



    Now this is obviously all just my opinion but I do believe that these are things you have to consider if you’re going to live your life by the teachings of the bible. And especially if you plan on dictating how others have to live.