So once again I find myself in the one scenario that I’ve experienced before which I truly dread. I find my mind has once more betrayed me. It has decided that I was too “happy”, too content in my life.
Suddenly and for no discernable reason my thoughts are consumed by darkness, my outlook blurred by shadows. I’ve been here before, all too often, and it is a place I struggle greatly to escape from. With every visit to this wretched place it seems the shackles that bind me here close tighter, they grow in number making it feel as if it’s impossible to escape and sometimes I fear this may be true. The longer I remain here, the harder it is to maintain hope. Regularly my mind presents me with only one option, only one escape and far too often I find myself considering it.
I am not one to lose myself in fear but currently I am consumed by it. I fear what is to come in the near future, I fear what twisted form of “reality” my mind will concoct for me next, but most of all I fear how I will react. I am terrified to consider what I may be capable of doing.
For the first time in a long time, I am scared.
Atheist Alan 